Whoopee!

I got a job! A fun, amazing, just up my alley job. Something that will utilize my spread-out consciousness in a way that a faculty position wouldn’t have. Right now it is a one-year post-doc, but might turn in to more. I’m going to sit on my consciousness the next year and see if higher [...]

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I am always behind

Last winter I pressed an organization I’m involved with to think more critically about increasing diversity in our ranks. I ended up on the organizing board for next fall’s conference. I started out sending emails to several folks, and helped get a plenary set up, but then thoughts of it faded while I worked on [...]

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my defense…

On SNL steroids. (and only coming from one prof, not all 4)

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Done!

Turned in, paperwork stamped, three or four formatting mishaps dealt with, expected euphoria finally arrived. Whoot!!!

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those little letters

Well, after a complete and utter breakdown yesterday, I’m gonna try to press print today. If nothing else, I’ll have those three little letters to stick on my resume if I decide to go into another field.

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Lost

I’ve lost all that carefully composed confidence that I have been building as I wrote these past four years. And now that I’m trying to improve my introduction, when I dearly need that confidence in order to make claims and push through the ADD/fear/distraction/internet wandering, it is gone. And I have no more time. No [...]

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chicken shit update

Well, I finished off my intro and sent it to my advisor. He called me the next day and asked how it was possible I had finished it so fast. He said  it was a piece of chicken shit, but did what had been requested of me admirably. He also said that it was totally [...]

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Why?

A friend told me tonight that you can tell a true academic by the way they react to set-backs, not to success. Why did this make me soooooo mad? (Anger I just ate, by the way–good way to get heartburn). That and I should be grateful for Prof D’s criticism b/c it means he’s engaging [...]

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Intro anxiety

Thought all the anxiety about my dissertation was over. Not true. My prof D accessed all my concerns about its lacking–and very effectively pointed out those lacks in the reader’s report I got today. My advisor promised not to sign the bookplate until I rewrite the introduction taking into account D’s criticisms. He wants me [...]

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ruminating

I am doing so much better after this emotional/mental slamming than I did after my oral exam when I was also attacked by that particular prof. I attribute that to the steadiness granted to me by mindfulness practice (what limited amount I’ve done so far). That does not mean I’m not ruminating. I keep wondering [...]

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