I try to be as honest as possible, but if there is any possibility of hurting someone, then I dance around and end up hurting them more by not being straightforward.
I listen too hard to the underlying meaning and when I try to speak to it, folks sometimes have no idea what I’m talking about.
I’m an introvert and I’ve met with around 10 people a week every week since I got here, plus sent over 1000 emails. I am totally excited by what I’m doing, but for different reasons than my boss and when I try to echo my bosses words, I get tangled up.
Relationships are hard and wonderful. The more I try to figure them out, the more confusing them seem to get. I think this is why I like new friends–I haven’t had the opportunity to make them mad at me yet.
I try to put my whole self out there when I meet folks so they know what they are getting into. But then later in the friendship/relationship, I become convinced that folks are gonna drop me like a hot potato if they know what I’m really like.
I bought the bullet and got furniture. They delivered the wrong table. I couldn’t decide if I liked that table better or the one I bought, but I asked for the table I had ordered to be delivered. Now I wonder if the wrong table might have fit better. I got a new loveseat that was 70% off the price and now I am worried that it doesn’t really fit the living room. The cat loves it.
I’m tired of worrying and obsessing. I want to just let go and relax, but then on the other hand I’ve gotten a ton of stuff done since I’ve been here…….art projects if not my work projects.
I’m trying to decide what to do about a house warming type party I tried to throw for myself tomorrow. Right afterwards, I was invited to hang out with a bunch of theater profs that evening. I love theater totally and completely. No one has responded to my invitation to come to my house except those who can’t make it. So do I send out an email to those who are left and rescind the invitation? And seem like even more of a flake than I already am?
I started out with an email that was married name maiden name @ my school.edu. But I realized that that is totally confusing, because this school is very rigid about people using their legal names. So i switched it to first.married name@school.edu, hoping that folks would just reply to my emails and all would be well.
So far a ton of people have told me that their emails to me have bounced back. Great. Just great.
Today I took off so I could be home for the furniture delivery and to work on my class. So far……..I’ve answered email. Received the love seat and rejected the table. …….. made coffee.
Read, damn you, read! Plan, prepare! All I want to do is sleep!
And I will be going to get my drivers license today. Really.
Leave a comment